Wanna Know Why You're Still Single?
Review by Molly
This 129 page book is presented by the author to offer a very unique perspective into today's dating world and how so many people are trying to figure out how to find their soul mate. The work is divided into seven chapters including the Intro, in which the author explains his notion that the experts who are avidly attempting to help singles unite are looking at dating with too clinical an eye. Kandel tenders advice based on his own dating experience.
Chapter 2 THE REALITY OF DATING directs singles to home in on what was good in past relationships and build from there rather than bemoaning the bad. Kandel does propose that he believes too many people put too much emphasis on first meetings. He advises to go with hopes and not expectations rather than setting up the meeting for failure by having too many high expectations.
Chapter 3 AIMING TOO HIGH is filled with lots of good counsel. The Author tries to steer singles toward thinking more in reality and less toward knights in armor upon charging steeds. I particularly liked the author's statement that "People have their own reasons for what they look for in a person." Kandel also touches on the subject of appearance; his personal view is that when looking at the physical in a prospective partner; "cute" lasts longer than "beautiful." Now that should offer hope to many readers who do not view themselves as particularly beautiful.
Kandel also suggests what many folks skirt when thinking about a life partner; the person who does not present some physical appeal for you is not the person you will want to strike up a conversation with. In the words of the writer; "if you want a great intimate life to go with a great life partnership, you have to be stimulated by the other person." Nicely said, and wisely stated as well. Kandel advocates the more cues the single can pick up from the other person; the more likely they will know whether or not compatibility can be achieved, rather than just focusing on one aspect of the first date as good or bad. Reality and realistic expectations go a long way when looking for a life partner says Kandel. Rather than hoping for the movie hunk or the Victoria's glamour gal; be realistic regarding the person you are likely to meet.
Chapter 4 THE NEW DATING: DOS AND DON'TS I found very interesting. From my standpoint, married it seems forever and with grown children, today's dating is much different than that experienced a generation ago. Internet and newspaper personal ads are used by singles. Kandel offers cautions about sites that seem to offer an abundance of names and personalities and it is only after you pay huge fees do you learn that few of the singles who interest you live close enough for the two of you to consider a meeting.
Kandel also mentions that some apparent singles may be married. His view is that one reason singles may shy from placing a photo on their Internet ad may be because they are unattractive, another is because they are married and don't want to be caught by the spouse.
In this chapter Kandel also puts forward a suggestion re single parents, do not shove your child down the throat of a prospective relationship. The prospect is in fact dating you, not your child, he/she may well be very accepting of your child, however the prospect will want to know first whether he/she is compatible with you. I enjoyed Kandel's admonition to be honest especially when placing a photo on your Internet page. Using a friend's photo because he/she is better looking really does not make sense.
Chapter 5 THE FIRST MEETING discusses the "talk" we all tend to do with ourselves as we prepare for a first meeting with a prospective relationship. Kandel discusses who pays for dinner, dressing, compliments, and having a stock of questions to fall back on should the conversation falter.
Chapter 6 WHAT DO THEY REALLY WANT discusses the need to understand yourself and what you want in a partner before you begin lining up prospective partners.
Chapter 7 TIPS AND TARGET DATING Kandel homes in on the notion that if looking for a choirboy don't look on a barstool and vice versa. He suggests that singles take a cold hard look at what it is they are truly looking for and then look where that particular person might be found. Seems elementary, however, the number of broken relationships in this country seem to indicate the notion is not taken to heart too often.
Writer Kandel has had a varied resume over the years, he has enjoyed success in retail, television news and business. Today he is teaching common bonding, how to break down human defense mechanisms and business motivation in real estate. By drawing on his own life experiences he shares his understanding of the human psyche with others.
Wanna Know Why Your'e Still Single is a well written, easily read work meant to open the eyes of those who may have had a string of poor relationships but keep coming back with high hope and expectation. Kandel uses his own life experiences, as well as illustrations gleaned from interviews with others concerning their relationship failures to craft a book which can open the eye of the reader and perhaps help them view dating and relationships in a more productive, satisfying manner. I like the format.
Enjoyed the read, happy to recommend. Wanna Know Why Your're Still Single is a must have for the therapists library, the personal self help reading list and libraries. I would suggest to high school guidance counselors and teachers for use with their teens who are preparing to graduate and set off on a long and hopefully happy life journey. I was sent a trade paperback for review.
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